A Journey to 25 | Day 20

It was the first time I was driving alone to college. Usually, I would have my driver on the passenger seat guiding me while I drove every day. I thought I was ready to go alone. But I wasn’t ready for what was to come. It was a fine Wednesday morning. I was driving happily while music played on my phone resting on the passenger seat. I was excited to be driving alone. The experience was exhilarating. I crossed the toll zone. A song from the movie Kick was playing. I was driving at a 100kmph on the highway. Everything seemed under control. Until it wasn’t. There was a dog in my lane. He seemed confused, probably scared by the cars racing away on the highway. I was in the left-most lane waiting for the dog to take a call. He moved backward, to my left. I moved towards my right. He then walked forward, towards my right. I thought he was about to cross the road. So I moved a bit towards the left. Again he changed his mind and moved backward, towards my right. By now I was pretty close to him. So close that for the next few seconds everything went blur. I heard a loud bang. I had my seat belt on. Maybe that’s why I didn’t realize exactly what was happening. I heard the bang again. By the time things settled and I analyzed my surroundings I was into deep trouble. Apparently, in the whole confusion with the dog, I had taken a sharp right and hit directly into the divider separating the two-way traffic on the highway. After hitting it the first time, due to the impact, the car moved backward and then again it went forward and dashed into the divider. As it moved back again I looked around the chaos I had created. Luckily there were no casualties. The car had taken a major impact and looked like it would break anytime. While I was analyzing things around me I kept uttering one word to anybody and everybody who could hear me, Sorry. I was on the verge of crying but now was not the time. I had to get out and handle things. My phone was still playing the same song but I couldn’t find it anywhere. The song told me it was still intact and lying in some corner of my car. Unlike me, it was tied back by a seat belt. I stepped out of my car and a cab driver told me I had hit his car. I didn’t care to verify his statement. He said I did, I believed. The passengers of the cab started saying things to me while I was trying to explain what had happened. I told them I would pay for the damages. I think that helped calm down the people around me. I was getting late for my classes. I didn’t know what to do. I asked them to wait while I searched for my phone. I found it below the passenger seat. I immediately dialed for my mother. As circumstances would have it, she was unreachable. My mind jumped to the next best thing. I called my driver. With whatever Tamil I could muster in that state of mind I explained to him what happened and requested him to go upstairs and ask my mom to call me. As he did that I handled the situation in front of me. After a lot of explaining and pleading they agreed to move ahead. I spoke to the cab driver and told me how he could reach out to me for the damages. With everything in me I controlled my tears in front of all these men ready to pin me down in an argument if I said anything wrong. As they moved back to their cab and zoomed away I went back to my car and took a sigh of relief. It was time to deal with the next problem. I wasn’t sure if the car would move. I tried a few times and it worked. As I drove, my tears broke the barrier and flooded down the face. I was scared. I was terrified. I couldn’t believe what happened. I didn’t know what to do. I had spoken to my mom and she was on her way to my college. That would take a while. A could see a few people staring at my car and then at me. I didn’t want to be seen. I wanted to hide, bury myself away from everyone’s eyes. I reached the college gate. I had to mark the entry. I parked the car on the side and stepped out. My eyes were red with all the crying. Thankfully no one asked me anything. I stepped back in and went to the parking. As I was walking towards the building I felt a little normal again. It felt like an escape. No one from here would know what had happened. At this moment everything was as normal as it was two hours ago. A sort of relief I was craving. I wanted to forget this happened. But how could I? I had missed the first two classes. I managed to get into the third one. Silently sitting on the last bench away from everyone’s eyes. I avoided my friends. I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. As the class was about to end I got a call from my mother. She had reached. Without meeting anyone’s eyes I rushed out and headed towards the food court. After seeing my mom I broke down again. I was in a safe space. I could breathe again. She consoled me. Got me ready to get through the rest of the day. She promised to take care of everything. And with that promise, she left with the car. I don’t remember what happened later in the day. I think I had calmed down and looked better than what I did earlier. I turned it into a funny story and told my friends about it. Though I laughed with everyone else deep inside I knew I was terrified. It would take time to heal. And eventually, I healed and blossomed out of the darkness with caution in my veins.